


jag älskar dig - I love you

by orpikjam44



Series: I'll Make It Right [6]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hockey, Angst, Being Lost, Break Up, Colorado Avalanche, Confusion, Friendship, Hockey, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Vancouver Canucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-10 02:53:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1153901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orpikjam44/pseuds/orpikjam44
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nazzy either makes things a lot better or makes everything a lot worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	jag älskar dig - I love you

**Author's Note:**

> Good job, Naz.

_CHAPTER SIX (Nazzy's POV)_

“Well, I’m so glad you took initiative, sweetie, but I can’t be there with you... isn’t that going to be a problem?”

Foppa’s words are like nails being driven slowly through Nazzy’s eardrums. He hasn’t thought of that. He really hasn’t until now. Is that stupid? Is it stupid he didn’t think that Foppa is in Colorado and he’s in Vancouver and there’s just no way he can make the two join together?

Foppa’s warm chuckle brings him back and he leans against the cool wall as his friend speaks again, “Nazzy, I love you. I have. Always. In every way. But I can’t be there for you right now. I mean, I can come by like I did, I can arrange for flights...”

Everything sounded so good before when he had told Bert they were breaking up. But now the reality hits and Nazzy isn’t sure what to do. Or what to feel. He wants it to work out seamlessly, but with Foppa being so far away and trying to see each other between their schedules is going to be nearly impossible.

Nazzy scratches his chin. He still needs to shave. The growing stubble reminds him too much of Bert. How Bert felt. How Bert... “So you think we shouldn’t be together?” he asks, voice shaking more than he wants to let on. He bites his lip, cussing at himself under his breath for it. Foppa has too much to deal with, he doesn’t need Nazzy’s angst and clinginess on top of it. “Not now?”

“I do. It’s complicated.” Foppa’s sigh only puts another layer of cold on top of Nazzy’s heart. Maybe he’s being too pushy. Hadn’t Foppa been the one who suggested the whole thing? Hadn’t he pushed Nazzy to break away from everything that was hurting him? He’s speaking again. “Yes. I want to be with you. But I think if we... made it official? If we did that, then it would be too much stress on you right now.”

“So... why did you push me to break up with Bert?” Nazzy asks, twirling the phone cord around his finger. He almost understands, but Foppa’s still being confusing. Maybe he’d just misinterpreted what his friend told him?

“No, you did the right thing. I can hear you wondering that.” He’s laughing and Nazzy can feel the warmth coming back to his heart. Only if he could feel that laugh rumbling in Foppa’s chest, his cheek pressed against it, his nose cradling Foppa’s scruffy chin. “I wanted to help you get away from that. It was hurting you, Naz. I think you need some time to heal and collect yourself, okay? And you’ve got me. I’m here. You need to call me and talk to me, I’m here to talk. But just think about you right now, alright?”

When Nazzy finally hangs up the phone, mumbling a hurried I love you before he does, he’s not sure what to think. He understands what Foppa said. It makes sense. He needs to think about himself.

But He needs someone to hold him, too. Someone to whisper that everything will be okay and squeeze him from behind. Someone to be in bed when he has a bad day to joke around and tell him everything they love about him until he’s smiling and laughing too. Someone to get drunk off wine with and cuddle with and listen to music...

Why is he crying?

Had he hurt Bert? Of course he had. Was there even a question about that? No. It had hurt him, too. But Foppa was right.

...Right?

He’d always looked to Foppa and Bert to help him. To guide him. Even back when Bert had joined the Canucks years ago, and Nazzy had promised to take the spunky forward under his wing, it hadn’t taken long for Nazzy to rely on Bert to take care of _him._

Bert has always been there. Since the beginning.

Has he made a mistake? Bert needs him now, but... Foppa said to watch out for himself, too. Does he need Bert? Or does he need Foppa’s warm voice and promises of security?

This is what Bert was talking about, he thinks, that he needs someone there.

He does. Because without someone there, everything gets too overwhelming.

With one swift motion, Nazzy snatches the phone up again and punches in another number. It rings a few times, then goes to an answering machine.

_You’ve reached Brendan’s phone, I’m not here, I might have lost my phone, please leave a message and I’ll return when I find it..._

Nazzy leaves a brief message and drops the receiver back down again. Who can he talk to? He needs somebody to be there. Damn it, has he pushed them all away? He hasn’t meant to. He wants to keep everyone close. But he’s done it, hasn’t he? He’s single-handedly made himself alone.

Completely alone.


End file.
